I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
