these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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