Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize