I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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