I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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