She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
