Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dear god my vagina.
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