im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
