If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
