I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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