So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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