I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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