I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
