Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
