Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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