It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize