Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
