there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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