just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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