ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
