Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
