last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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