so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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