At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You pole danced in your parka.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
