She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
