I can text with my tongue
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
