I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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