Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
