It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
