nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
