Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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