omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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