Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
