On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dicks are not precious.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
