if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize