i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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