I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
