just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
