She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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