I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she peed on how many people?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
