OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
