if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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