you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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