They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
