There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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