come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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