There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
