Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
