dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
