dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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