I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
