there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
