Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
