She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
