if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
