The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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