It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
