woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
