I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
