Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize