So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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