my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
