I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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