exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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