Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
