He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
