Sry I called you an 8
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
