This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
